What Keeps Me Up At Night

I used to get stressed out about YouTube comments, upcoming races, work or more recently, my son’s safety. I don’t know if it’s being a mom, getting older or this past damn election but stress and anxiety have been weighing me down.

I can do the things that are routine no problem. Wake up, go to the gym, drop off Tommy at babysitting, answer emails, etc. But when it comes to creating a new workout for my blog or thinking up some healthy lifestyle post, I just feel apathetic towards my blog niche. I’ve been having trouble paying attention to my deadlines too, which is very unlike me. The stress feels like a major road block in my brain right now, preventing me from thinking about anything else. The problem is, I feel like I have no control over the issues bothering me and there is little I can do to solve it.

Last night, Nick asked what was stressing me out and it felt good to say the things out loud.

I told him that I felt bad for the undocumented families who have been here for over a decade and their children who don’t know any other country. The uncertainty they must feel right now upsets me.

Similarly, I’m upset for families who rely on Obamacare, especially to support with costs to help their children from diseases like childhood cancer or autism or other special needs.

My labor and delivery bill was $29,000. That number shocked me. At least most people know when they are about to have a baby. A serious illness or car accident however could put someone under insured into financial ruins. Over 22 million people have health insurance through Obamacare.

I’m also heartbroken thinking of all the families that have been displaced by the wars in the Middle East, especially Syria. The images of the children on beaches, walking hundreds of miles to safety or covered in black from a near by bomb are heartbreaking. Are we really going to deny these people a safe place to live? Are we really going to create a muslim registry as reported yesterday?

And the environment??? We only have one planet. The damage done cannot be reversed and it’s terrifying that people who still don’t believe in climate change could be responsible for protecting it.

I am unapologetically pro choice. Agree to disagree, don’t read my blog, don’t care. I’m pro choice. If you really want to get into it, go troll someone else’s blog because I won’t respond. I can’t stop thinking about women who live in states where abortion likely will become even harder to get. It’s 2016.

I am also scared for our country. How many supreme court justices will be replaced over the next 4 years with backwards views?

I was willing to give Trump a chance. I’m still willing but the fact that it has been reported that he only wants to hire Trump loyalists is frightening. We literally laughed Sarah Palin out of public office and now she is a contender for a top position!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK PEOPLE.

I can’t control these things so I shouldn’t stress out about them. But writing them down here helped me a little bit. I went to spin this morning. I loved editing my Dry Shampoo Challenge video – mainly because it was shot before the election and I look so happy! I enjoyed donating to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name.

Another bright spot in my week has been seeing all the images of children with signs saying that if our generation builds a wall, theirs will tear it down.

I was recently told that my life likely will be better than it is now in 4 years with Trump as president. I don’t agree but if that is true for arguments sake, why do I feel so bad for the majority of people that won’t be the case? Perhaps the mother in me has brought out the compassion that I can’t seem to ignore.

I’m hoping that I can fall asleep again not worrying about these things but I have a feeling it won’t be any time soon.

What Keeps Me Up At Night

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40 Comments

  • Danielle Wolfe
    Reply

    Really appreciated this post. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s freaking out every night and waking up sad every morning. I guess the only way to get over this is to get through it and keep working with the organizations that need our help right now. Donating to PP in Gov. Pence’s name was definitely the highlight of my week too 😉 ! Love your blog!

  • Julia
    Reply

    Right there with you. I feel a constant amount of anxiety since the election. Like you, I’m giving him a chance -- what other option do we have? But when I hear about him bringing on people like Steve Bannon? All of the anxiety comes flooding back in. Hang in there. xo

  • Julie
    Reply

    You are not alone. A lot of us feel the same. But I am doing what I can to love people well because at least I can do that. Love the people around me and pray a ton. That’s all I can do.

  • Stephanie
    Reply

    I feel the same way. And motherhood definitely has made changed the way I look at the world. How can we look at children dying in Syria and not think about the fact that in a slightly different set of circumstances that could easily be me and my own babies. How do you not want to help make the world a better place for your children and to live?

  • Katy H
    Reply

    It’s nice to see these sentiments written and I think you have a lot of courage for writing them in the public forum. I think it’s sad that it is a “courageous” thing to say how you feel, but with the ability for people to be rude while sitting behind a computer and writing under an anonymous name, it does take bravery to say how you feel. I think we need more of this. I think we all need to be a little less afraid to say how we feel. I hope that writing this was therapeutic for you and I hope you are able to find some peace soon. Just know that all you can do as a person and as a parent is to be the good, support organizations who you think will help be the good, and teach your children to be the good. You’re on the right track!

  • Stacey
    Reply

    I really wish, like other healthy living bloggers, you can accept it and get past it because what’s done is done. And like you said, those issues are out of your control. I enjoy reading your blog, but your posts on this topic are becoming distasteful, redundant and uninteresting. But I also know that this is your space and you can write about whatever you please, so I’ll just step back and hit that ‘x’ next time. This is just one reader’s input.

    • Sarah
      Reply

      I’m happy that you feel comfortable voicing your opinion. I wrote this blog post for me to feel better and I only wrote two posts on the entire election cycle.

    • Jen
      Reply

      There hasn’t been anything distasteful about her posts lately -- maybe you should get over the fact that she is human and has feelings and is fearful of someone who used hate and fear mongering to win an election. If you don’t have concerns about his ability to lead the country then you have the problem and should try reading reliable sources and not blogs.

      Move on if you don’t like hearing the truth. And leave her alone!

  • Dianna
    Reply

    As a mothere of two children, ages one and four, I totally agree with the stress you feel. When my husband woke me up the day after the election to tell me that Trump was our President I said “You have got to be f@$!ing kidding me!” I think that shock has worn off a little, but at the same time, I think about the fact that my children will know Trump as our president, and it saddens me. I was proud to have Obama as a president, but extremely reluctant to be proud of someone I do feel is unfit for the Oval office. Anyway, I have learned that I cannot pay too much attention to the news, or even watch depressing shows that I typically enjoy (walking dead) because I will be an emotional wreck afterwards. I know it’s wrong to tune out what’s going on in the world, but as mothers to young children I think we need to promote a positive outlook on life, which I know is easier said than done, and I struggle to not get stressed or depressed over the things I cannot change.

  • Sara
    Reply

    YES! PREACH! I think people need to keep talking about what scares them & worries them & what is making them uncomfortable. Just “getting over it” or “accepting it” is ridiculous. This is not politics as usual. I honestly don’t care what side of the political spectrum you fall on, what’s happening right now is frightening & extremely dangerous. Now is not the time for complacency. In addition to making donations to organizations you support, I would recommend calling your representatives to make your voice heard -- and not just now, but for the next 2, 4, 8, etc. years. I found this link with tips & strategies for calling your representatives really helpful: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/174f0WBSVNSdcQ5_S6rWPGB3pNCsruyyM_ZRQ6QUhGmo/edit

    Hang in there -- hopefully knowing you aren’t alone helps a bit.

  • Zoey
    Reply

    I have to say in direct disagreement with the commenter above, I am really grateful that you openly discuss your feelings about all this. Bloggers not mentioning the election or saying “we just need to love each other” is infuriating to me. it further normalizes something that is not normal, and I’m sorry but not ok and the answer is not “just love and listen to each other.” That response reeks of white privilege and it’s not enough. I also have an infant, 7 months old, and I am terrified for so so many reasons, the biggest being what trump claims he is going to do regarding the environment and how destructive (and irreversible) to the planet it will be if he carries out his promises. I don’t believe the answer is to just “accept it and get past it” I believe we need to fight tooth and nail to try to protect ALL of our children’s futures. I personally don’t have any interest in reading blogs who just act like nothing happened. It feels disingenuous. So thank you.

  • Haley
    Reply

    Really appreciate this post. You are echoing what so many of us feel, and for the people who don’t want to read this because it’s “uninteresting” good thing there is such a simple fix, don’t read the blog!

  • Kirsten
    Reply

    Thank you for being the only blogger (of the many I read) to actually address what’s happening around us. Your unapologetic entry into this conversation is so refreshing and I hope you’ll continue to talk candidly about your experience, thoughts and worries. Thank you!

  • Ali
    Reply

    Got a chance to read this post in between meetings right when you sent it, and I just wanted to let you know how great it is to see you share your thoughts so openly on your blog. I also happen to agree with you 100% on all of these issues so that doesn’t hurt either :) one thing that I’ve heard is amazing for night time stress that I need to try as well is the l’occitane pillow mist. It’s discontinued but you can still find it through a lot of online retailers!

  • Kirsten
    Reply

    Thanks for writing this Sarah. I’ve seen a lot of bloggers take the back seat in voicing their fears and frustrations, and while it’s their choice, it really builds a sense of trust and loyalty when the people whose words we read so often stand up for what’s right. Appreciate it, and you.

  • Liz
    Reply

    I appreciated this post as I’m also feeling pretty anxious and mental health is a very important part of wellness (totally relevant to your blog!)

    I’ve been making it to my workout classes which is keeping me sane and I take classes from a pretty diverse group. I feel like there have been subtle music choices and comments which have made me feel better as I’m working out some rage in those studios. I understand why no one would directly say anything teaching a class and why it’s not appropriate, but the subtle nods helped. You have a forum to not be subtle and it’s great that you are using it. Don’t let anyone dictate to you how to use your voice.

  • Amanda L
    Reply

    I do not personally feel any anxiety at all regarding the election (although the choices were atrocious) however I appreciate hearing your rational thoughts about it. I hope things work out better than expected. The whole ordeal has inspired me to become more involved and knowledgeable about politics for sure. The good news is, it’s only 4 years.

  • Hannah
    Reply

    Thank you, Sarah. I’m a long time reader and have loved all of your fitness and health advice. I’ve enjoyed seeing how your blog has changed gears since Tommy has been born. He is beautiful and it’s a pleasure to see his face pop up on social media.

    This post sums up everything I have been feeling over the build up to the election and all of the intensified emotions of the past week. It’s absolutely shocking that Trump was elected. Infuriating. Insulting. But it’s also hopeful to have peers such as yourself who we can turn to for support and who we can work alongside so that minorities, women, and children won’t be quite as affected. There are things we can do and ways to take action! Just writing, as you did is so powerful. So thank you 💗💗💗

  • Haley
    Reply

    This…all of this, is so spot on. Thank you for being so open, as we need to be able to have conversations. These thoughts are thoughts of many. And these fears unfortunatley have fallen into my work life as well (provider at a community health center) as my patients worry if they’ll be able to afford their healthcare (I could go on, but won’t). So thank you, thank you for opening conversation, for giving us more than “to just love each other” and for acknowledging that anxiety and mental wellness are real….thank you ❤️️

  • Tonya
    Reply

    I feel the same way. I’m scared and stressed and worried and hopeful, too. I think a revolution has begun! (I donated to PP in Pence’s name, too, and it felt REALLY good)

  • Wendy
    Reply

    You are so not alone. I keep trying to get to a place of acceptance because I know that I don’t have any other choice, but it has been difficult. I get very frustrated when people flipantly say “get over it already” like we our just being babies because “our candidate” lost. But it is so much more than that. It feels like hate won. The violence, the controversy, it is all very unsettling. I have voted in 7 presidental elections in my life so far and “my” candidate only has one 2 of those times. But i have never been so heartbroken at the outcome. Disappointed and unhappy, sure. But I literally cried when I read the news. So, yes, you are not alone. And i find comfort knowing that other people feel the same way. It reinforces to me that there are good and decent people who are not going to sit back and let hate win.

  • Meg W
    Reply

    Thank you, Sarah! The last few days/ weeks have been so emotionally exhausting. I’m a new mom too -- as if we didn’t have enough to worry about.

    More than ever, I’m so thankful that we live in a progressive state that has consistently set the bar for the rest of the country (healthcare, LBGT rights, the list goes on and on). I guess all we can do is continue to be a leader (whatever that means to each of us)… and hopefully the rest of the country will wake up.

    Anyway, pumped to try Mommy and Me at BURN -- congrats!

  • Shannon
    Reply

    This post could not have popped up on my newsfeed at a better time. I’m feeling the exact same way. I am just so overwhelmed by the media and what’s going on in this country. I just had my first child in June and I can’t help but feel like I look at everything so differently now. Its scary to think of our children growing up in a country with close minded leaders like Trump.

  • Eliza
    Reply

    I saw this post because a friend liked it. I don’t know you, but will be following you because you voiced
    *exactly* what I’ve been feeling. Good on you, girl.

  • Jess
    Reply

    👏 100% agree! I write this while I am pumping in the bathroom of my (all male) government office…don’t get me started!!! Those exact things worry me too and it’s hard to just “get over it” as some people have suggested. Last night the news was on and my four yr old asked why the little boy on TV wasn’t waking up…they were showing footage of Syrian bombings. It pained me beyond belief as a mother of three. So, thank you for voicing your opinion. We are right there with you!

  • Hannah
    Reply

    Sarah,

    I have been following you for many years but would consider myself a “silent follower” of many blogs as I am not involved in social media myself. However I have to say— Please stop “apologizing” for expressing your interests, talking about baby stuff, etc. I don’t have a baby, but I am loving following all my favorite bloggers (you, pbfingers, ohsheglows) on their baby journeys. You should not feel guilty for using your platform to express your beliefs. I personally would not be able to stay connected to bloggers if they did not acknowledge the gravity of this election. Please feel free to continue sharing your life- those who aren’t interested will fade away. Think of it this way- would a man spend so much time apologizing for what content he was putting in the world? :) 😉

  • Heather
    Reply

    I feel the same. Thanks so much for speaking out about these issues. I follow many fitness/healthy living blogs, but it feels a bit disingenuous to pretend that these awful things aren’t happening right now, even if they don’t specifically pertain to this topic. I hate to have to say this, but thanks for your courage speaking out.

  • Sofie Madden
    Reply

    Thank you for posting this. You are not alone in feeling this way. In addition to feeling shocked, saddened, and anxious, I’ve also noticed that things that usually make me happy feel so, so unimportant. I’m having a really difficult time understanding how others have moved on when our world has been turned upside down. This holiday season is going to be hard- things that normally bring joy just feel dull and like a distraction from the hell we’re living in. Your post has been a welcome break from the gift guides other bloggers are putting up. While I normally enjoy shopping for my friends and family, I don’t think I could personally stomach buying frivolous gifts this year when so many organizations need our financial assistance. This year, everyone gets quality time, a book, and a contribution in their name.

  • Hannah
    Reply

    I completely agree with you Sarah. I am terrified about what is going to happen to our country and my family’s healthcare. I cried for a week and am now focusing on what I can do, but am feeling sort of lost. I am sad to see so many other people who are upset, but it does give me hope that there are others who agree. Thank you for voicing your opinion.

  • Nicole @ Foodie Loves Fitness
    Reply

    I 100% am with you Sarah. I too have been so upset about the election results, and worried about what’s going to happen. I’ve had legit nightmares and have cried more than once, and I’m not usually a worrier OR a crier. Trump supporters have been so insensitive to people that are truly devastated and scared, and hearing all of that just makes me more angry. This is a tough, trying time for common sense, compassionate Americans all over the country. I can only hope that the millions of us who are saddened and enraged by all of this can have their voices heard. Now is the time to support the causes we believe in & fight. Love that you donated to PP in Pence’s name -- I donated to Just Label It in support of enacting GMO labeling -- since the food world is also in serious trouble with a Trump administration.

  • Brynn
    Reply

    Yes! I too am feeling a lot of anxiety since the election. I don’t agree with the poster who wishes you would “get past it”. I accept that he will be president but there are a lot of unknowns and worries about what that will mean. Trump isn’t even president yet so I don’t think my worry level is going down any time soon. And even if he only serves for four years, his Supreme Court appointment(s) will have much longer lasting effects on laws in the US. And the environment! The damage his administration will do will not be magically reversible when he is out of office. Thanks for posting. I’m not very interested in reading blogs that are ignoring what is going on in our country right now.

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