My biggest pregnancy symptom I think has been the wacky hormones. My emotions are a true roller coaster.
How am I feeling today? Grateful and sad.
I’m sad because I had to leave Tommy at 7 am at daycare. He was the first one there. I then had to run to catch a train to NYC at 7:20 am. I made it with 6 minutes to spare! Nick had a 6 am flight so he couldn’t help. His alarm also woke me up at 4:15 and I couldn’t fall back asleep.
I put Tommy to bed in pjs that could double as clothes he could wear all day. I packed his lunch and backpack last night and just had to get myself dressed, put some shoes on T and make us both breakfast.
I felt bad dropping him off so early knowing I won’t see him all day. His aunt is going to pick him up after she gets out of work, feed him dinner and put him to bed as I won’t be home until after 8 pm. He’s usually at daycare from 9-3 so this is a very long day for my buddy. I know he is going to be fine but my heart aches thinking of him wondering where I am when 3 o’clock rolls around.
I shared how I felt bad and was reminded that many parents do this every day and it suddenly made me grateful to the point of tears. Our maternity leave policies in America are so unfair and our childcare expenses are so astronomical.
You’re either sacrificing your salary/career or paying an absurd amount of money for someone (a stranger at first) to watch your child all day, every day. I feel so grateful that I have a job that allows me to work at my own pace from home.
If you’re a regular blog reader, you know I’ve always struggled with the “what if” of moving to California or New York for my career when I was younger. The main reason I stayed was because I knew having a family would bring me the most happiness. I wanted to raise a family in New England. And you know what? Tommy totally changed everything and I’ve never been happier. Not that I wasn’t happy before, but due to the changing landscape of the social media fitness world, I just never felt good enough for the role I was trying portray. I feel like I finally belong in the sorta fit mommy crowd.
Even when I look back at the point of when I felt like one of the top fitness YouTubers and was traveling the world for free as a blogger, I wasn’t nearly as happy as I am now working less and staying home to care for my child, soon to be children. Kids are not for everyone but for me, they bring out the best.
My intuition to not chase “fame” and a paycheck proved to be the best move for my overall wellness. To be honest, my pregnancy hormones also make me slightly resent the world of social media how it has changed in the ten years since I began. It’s so weird, right?
It’s very different now. I never set out to be an “influencer.” Instagram didn’t exist when I began and I just wanted to be a journalist. Now it feels sometimes like I need to live my life for the ‘gram instead of helping people which was my initial mission.
I keep being asked if I’m going to keep LittleFit #2 home as long as I kept Tommy, which was about 20 months. I likely will send him to part time daycare around 14 months but I feel so fortunate that I have this as an option where most families do not.
I already can’t wait to see Tommy tomorrow morning. He will likely wake up at 6 am and that’s ok because I’m excited to watch the Royal Wedding coverage. Hopefully he let’s me watch and doesn’t demand Ice Age (his newest and most random obsession).
Until then though, my heart aches as our family is scattered across the country today working.
When you were pregnant, did you have crazy emotions that felt like you were a teenager again?
PS. I’m hitting publish before sufficient proof reading because I’m currently very motion sick from this train. I’m sorry in advance!!!!!
When I was pregnant with my second son I remember crying that my first son was going to feel replaced. The emotions were so high! But they are the best of best of friends! So glad they have one another.